bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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