God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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