i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
