I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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