all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
