Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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