ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
