and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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