I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
