I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
