turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
