A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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