I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
