bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
