i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize