also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
