It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
