he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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