I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
