I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
