I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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