I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will pee on everything he values.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
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