can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
