dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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