I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
