At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
