I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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