apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
