The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
