It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
