dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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