I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
