bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
