Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
