I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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