My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
