Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
