my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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