Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
