I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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