Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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