you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
