I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
