For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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