Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
