I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
