before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
