He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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