I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
