During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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