i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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