Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and she was petting her beer can
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
