Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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